I don't give a damn about my bad reputation.

Incubus-TheWarmth

2007-12-18T15:05:36Z

I'd like to close my eyes, go numb
but there's a cold wind coming from
the top of the highest high-rise today.
It's not a breeze 'cause it blows hard.
Yes and it wants me to discard the humanity I know,
watch the warmth blow away.

So don't let the world bring you down.
Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold.
Remember why you came and while you're alive
experience the warmth before you grow old.

So do you think I should adhere to that pressing new frontier?
And leave in my wake a trail of fear?
Or should I hold my head up high
and throw a wrench in spokes by
leaving the air behind me clear?

Before you grow old.
Where did it go?

I think I made the dean's list.

2007-12-18T14:02:07Z

Classes are finished as of yesterday, and I'm almost positive I got straight A's.
And if I didn't, I got a B in my math class. Fine.

I'm celebrating my first day off with a little wake'n'bake.
I woke up at seven thirty this morning, that sucked.
Last night I got up three times, and woke up to a nightmare.

I love unemployment.
And I know this sounds crappy, and lame, but I don't ever want a job again.
Yes, I know, no one wants to work.
But just how school just isn't for some people, working's just not for me.
I'm actually very glad that I'm going to school for another four and a half years.
And yes, there are ways to get money when you're unemployed.
Making things, and selling them.
And I just so happen to be an artist.
Do you see where this is going?

I really want to write little kid books.
Really.
But I have a hard time coming up with a subject matter.
I could illustrate them!
But pictures with no story doesn't make a good book.
Or does it?

sigh

2007-12-05T20:54:12Z

My mom cried in Taco Bell today.
I'm not used to seeing her cry.
Life is hard these days.

December.

2007-12-03T13:38:14Z

And what a way to begin?

It's shitty outside but I don't mind.
My weekend was kind of kick ass.
I usually spend a good chunk of my weekend with Eric, and this time it was no different.
He bought me a Futurama shirt and I was wicked excited for it.
Saturday I went with Val to Hadley to see her friend Ivan, it was pretty cool.
I'm pretty sure he's gay, he just hasn't said anything about it yet.
Yesterday Eric and I cut his hair, and went out for some shopping.
We got him warm clothes so he doesn't freeze this year,
and then we went food shopping!
We got things to make a pizza, and it actually came out fabulous.
Turns out those years at Domino's slightly mattered.

Today STCC opens up an hour late,
I however did not sleep in anymore than usual.
I woke up at six on the dot.

My computer sucks hardcore.
I'm too afraid to see what's wrong with it, because if it's expensive, I'm kinda screwed.

I had an endocrinologist appointment on friday.
I didn't go for the same reason I'm not checking what's wrong with my computer.

My cat's a pretty big attention whore.

I think I have a quiz in biology today.
I'm not worried, I do have a 3.5 gpa.
But I'm not prepared for it.

My creative juices are there, but there's nothing to get them moving.

fstcc.

2007-11-26T16:33:54Z

I have a lab report and a quiz due tomorrow.
Hopefully this lab report will be a slice of pie.

Ev got my creative juices flowing last night,
I decided to do the first recreational sketch I've done in months.
And it's zombies.
Perhaps I'll post it when I'm finished.
I'm actually really excited about it,
the only thing I'm nervous about is I hope the watercolor doesn't warp the paper too badly.

I hung out with an old friend on this long weekend,
and I really hope we can do it again.

I'm trying to call Ev right now so he can come over and see my picture before he goes to work.

I'm having some computer problems, my tower just shuts off, more and more often now.
This is bullshit.
But at least now that my mom has her computer up and running, I can use hers. :)

Eric took me shopping.
I have a green hat with a marijuana leaf on it.
He also got me a stunning ring with diamonds and black stones on it,
and I got him one with roman numerals.
Also. Dresses were on sale at Rave, so clearly Eric bought me two.
Christmas presents are awesome.
I love Eric.

I'm not dead.

2007-11-19T19:40:08Z

Yet.

So instead of watching hentai or playing guitar hero, I've decided to update this shit.
That and Ev pestered me about it.

I see Ev once a week if I'm lucky.
We're still incredible. No change there.

I stopped hanging out with Josh because he couldn't deal with the fact that I didn't want to date him.
I'm now dating Eric. <3 He's my favorite puerto rican ever.
(Nikki, what's wrong with us?)
Anyways, Eric is probably the boi I'm going to marry.
Actually, I'm fairly fucking positive.
I never thought it would happen, but I'm head over heals for him.
I have the best times with him.

My mom and I are best friends.
We hang out, and tell each other everything.

Hmm, as I keep writing in here, I realize how pointless this is...
I'm doing an art project based off RAM and Alice in Wonderland.
I'm almost finished.

I'm bored with this post....

I love Jeza.

2007-08-05T08:30:25Z

I do.

I'm going in a few hours to Boston with my mom until tuesday.
I don't want to leave Ludlow for three days, it's sad.
I'm probably never moving away to college.

Josh and I had a really good time today.

Life is so fucking confusing.

Today I went to Brattleboro Vermont with my mom and it was wicked fucking cool.
I got TWELVE books for TWENTY-FIVE CENTS EACH.
It was awesome.

Yeah.

2007-08-02T20:14:20Z

I talked to my mom. I think I'm moving in next summer with Josh.
Just for the summer.
I've been at his house for like four nights straight now, tonight might make it five.
We're awesome, that's all there is to say.

His room is coming together nicely.
We put up three hundred glow stars in a swirl around his whole room, walls and ceiling.
Then I painted "And we light up the sky!" above his closet.
We got two more posters, so now we have four, three are UV.
The one that isn't uv is an ATHF one.
We also got an alien fetus light. It's pretty hilarious.
I painted a really creepy silhouette of a girl hanging herself on Josh's Slipknot poster, it's good times.

We see a lot of each other.
/fact.

I think I'm seeing Ev today.

I need to lose weight.
I need to make more necklaces.
I need to make winter hats.
I need to read more.
I need to get drunk.

Kiss that world goodbye, it's all over now.

2007-07-31T18:22:44Z

So party on the east coast was pretty awesome.
Monica couldn't go, so Ken drove an hour and a half to pick me up.
We sang a lot.
We went Ashlee's party she made me a margartia. :D
I only had a six of Mike's.
There was a gay kid and he loved me.
There were some ya dudes and they hated me.
I helped Ken get some girl's number, hah, weird.
I met this girl Vicky and I love her.
We went swimming with two other people in our undies.
Then I went to get out of the pool, and noticed the cops shining a light on me...
So I had her hold up a towel so I could take off my panties and tanktop, and put on my pants and shirt.
Barefoot and with a handful of clothes and things I scaled the fence before anyone else.
It was at least six-seven feet tall. So we booked.
We had to hop over another four-five foot fence.
Then we got to the parking lot where I knew Ken and his new friend were sitting in his SUV.
There were at least four cop cars circling the parking lot looking for four kids.
I squatted down and waited for a pig to pass, I and ran like hell for Ken's car.
The cop saw me, slammed in reverse, and the door was locked...
I was freaking out telling Ken to let me in and I did just in time.
I haven't run from the cops in a while. I was due.

Then Ken and I passed out on his couch in his new place after a good talk.
I woke up to very loud roommates and an innate desire to kick some ass. lol.
Eventually Ken and I trucked through traffic and one fender bender back home.
Saw the Simpson's Movie. It sucks. Really bad.

The past two nights I've been over Josh's house.
I'm probably moving in there next year.
I want to give myself some time to figure it out though.
Haha, yeah, I am serious.

I spent the past two days with Liz, and then Eric.
Got some new shirts at the mall.
Went to Mystery Ink, met the new piercer.
Got Liz's nose ring changed.
Got a smaller tongue ring so now I don't have to take mine out for good.
And the total was twenty bucks, and I only had ten, and Liz couldn't use her charge card because of the $50 minimum.
So I called Scott over to the counter and he looks at the piercer and he shrugged and he said,
"I've known Ari, seriously, forever. This little girl comes in here all the time, don't worry, I know she's good for it."
And it was wicked cool.
Self esteem +10.

Derek keeps trying to talk to me, and it's really hard.

Josh's dealer wants to do me.

I draw more now.

I need to clean my room.

Liz and I walked around Ludlow today and we spent some time in LHS.
It was weird. Especially since we saw Mr.Smith, and his facial hair is hilarious.

/longpost.

fakest_frowns @ 2007-07-26T15:31:00

2007-07-26T19:38:56Z

Yesterday I went out with Eric to get Josh a birthday present.
We found the most ass-backwards way to get to the Holyoke Mall.
On the way there we found a place I went on a field trip when I was a kid,
it was a place next to a river that had dinosaur tracks, so we pulled over and investigated.
I then ended up slipping on some algae and water, and did a total movie fall.
Cracked myself right on my ass.
It was rather hilarious.
I then had to ride in Eric's car in my undies and tank top under the cover of his huge hoodie.
We finally got to the mall and I had to wear his huge hoodie so no one could see the gross water stains on my booty.
Then I got Josh a mini lava lamp, an actual ashtray, and 250+ glow stars for his room, hah.
So I went to Josh's and brought in his birthday.
I was trying to get him to skip work to get matching UV tattoos, but he wouldn't, lol.
"Johnny likes what he sees!" haha. Good times.

I ended up going for a six mile walk/jog, and there are blisters on my feet like you would not believe.
When I got home from said walk, I was crawling around on my hands and knees for a while because it hurt too much to walk.
However, I have noticed a slimmer stomach appearing and it's a really good feeling.
Once I get to my goal weight, I'm never going to fuck it up again.
I was 103, and happy as a clam... then I started drinking like a fish. haha.

So yeah my life pretty much revolves around Eric, Josh, Ev, Liz, and my mom now.

Today I'm going to get a drawing book with Eric, and then probably sleeping over Josh's house.
Tomorrow, I leave for the East coast, and I'm excited.
I hope everything works out okay and my anxiety does not get the best of me.

fakest_frowns @ 2007-07-25T11:40:00

2007-07-25T15:55:53Z

I have so many things to do today and for the rest of the week.
Today I'm going for another four mile walk.
Shower.
Go shopping for Josh.
See Josh at 8.
Party w/him for his birthday.
Possible tattoo tomorrow?
Maybe some Juice?
More party.
Friday, shower, get packed.
The east coast with Monica for a few days.
Visiting Ken Valentine in his new hometown.

I went for a walk with Liz yesterday and we had a really good talk about how we're supposed to find the person we want to marry in the next five years practically and all this other stuff, and how much bullshit it is.

Also, Juice came over it was fabulous to see her!
I'm hopefully going to see her again on Thursday but I might not because of Josh's birthday.
It depends on whether or not he goes to work.

Also, Josh and I spray painted "DANGER CART" on both sides of his red jeep, so if anyone sees it... :D
I hope someone gets that reference.

fakest_frowns @ 2007-07-21T12:23:00

2007-07-21T16:39:00Z

The night before last I ended up passing out at Josh's.
That worked out because his day off was yesterday and we got a lot of things done.
Checked on the plants, got glow in the dark paint, made two new bongs.
And we rented two games, and figured out they suck.
We've been playing my 'Cube nonstop.
Yesterday we played for 11 hours straight. Fantastic.

Derek and I aren't speaking.
And just as I say that, he calls.
I guess he still has a few of my things.

So now that I'm single, I'm going to make out with everyone.
Line up ladies and gentlemen.
It feels really really good to be single.

I have a lot of shit to do!

Oh, hair cut/color this week. :D

Update.

2007-07-19T07:19:55Z

So I had a fab. time with Ken.
We went out for Sushi and Transformers.
(Third time I've seen it.)
I think after Ken and I overcome our awkward phase, things will end up working out nicely.
I want to visit him sometime at his new place.
That would be cool.

I ended up smoking with Angie the other day.
If I remember correctly she won class clown. Hah.
She's a good kid. I'm her therapist.

Josh and I are really rocky.

Derek and I are a disaster.
The other night he came over, and I found out the hard way that we weren't going to be able to be friends for a long time.

Today I spent the day with my mom,
I bought some books.

Went to a highschool party.

2007-07-16T07:35:20Z

It was good seeing a lot of familiar faces.
I wish I would have went sooner.
Everyone was already drunk when I went there,
it was really cute.
I love drunk classmates.
"Oh.. my... god... Ari BLACK HEART HUTCHINS IS HERE!"
I'm forever known as 'black heart', and I dig it.
Anyways, I walked some way there and some way back.
Liz and I snuck shots in the bathroom.
So nostalgic.
Good news, girls like my purses.
Sick.

I painted some more on my green table, I don't know if I like it.
I really want to finish that.

Tomorrow Curtis is comming by to vent.
Then it's a lunch date with none other than Ken Valentine.
Zzzzzing.
Then it's blunt time.

I feel like a fucking disease

2007-07-16T03:28:04Z

I turned down another party.
And I turned down drinking at Derek's.
What's wrong with me?

I'm not myself anymore.
I'm now the same girl I was four years ago.
All that progress. Gone.
It sucks that my life is based around progress.
I have to make note of significant changes in my life as to plot productivity.

fakest_frowns @ 2007-07-13T18:05:00

2007-07-13T22:08:50Z

haha.
I was thinking, "Maybe I should update my livejournal."
Then I realized that I just updated last night, haha.
Thanks marijuana.

Sunday I'm hanging out with Babs.
That should be fun.

Derek's on his way over right now to hang out with me for a little while.
Perhaps Joshua will stop by with a bowl for his break...

My mom knows I smoke weed, right?
Well the other day she actually caught me, well, caught Joshua.
We were going to smoke a bowl in his car, and him, being a dumbass, put it right to his mouth.
My mom was looking out the window, and she was like, "If I can see you, your neighbors can!"
And I said, "Fine we'll take it to the backyard."
Haha. And that's all that happened
Sweet life.

It really goes.

2007-07-13T09:27:41Z

Hung out with Ken Valentine today, it was cute. :D
I really hope that being friends with him works out, I really do.

Today Ev bought me two books to make up for being late all the time!
I already read one of them in two hours.
It's called "Coraline" by N.Gaiman.
Creeeepy shit man.

So I read a book at Josh's before he could finish a video game.
Then we smoked joints out of clear wrapping papers.
Then we smoked a blunt.
We were really high
Hell, I still am.
God I'm hungry...

The way I are.

2007-07-08T21:33:17Z

I'm super depressed today. :D
I've spent most of it inside.
Curtis was supposed to come over, he didn't yet.
Monica HOlland is also supposed to make an appearance. Yeah right.
I went to bed at 8 in the morning and then my mom half woke me up around 11 screaming at me, and I was asleep so I screamed back.
Now she's hella pissed.

Someone's setting off firewoks wtf.
I'm going to smoke a bowl and be a hermit.

Oh life.

2007-07-08T08:11:44Z

So I broke up with Derek.
I wonder if this is for real.

I started talking to Eric Colon again.
We've decided to try and be friends.

I also started talking to Ken Valentine again.
Poor kid got hammered for his birthday and "******** (2:39:51 AM): I'm thriwung up like craxy"
Awww, haha.

I had a decent night, blunt ride with Angie and Liz.
I remembered a lot of things about high school.
Hung out with Joshua, talked about future plans, hahaha.

My head...

2007-07-08T01:19:25Z

Is all sorts of fucked up.
I don't even know where I'm at right now.

The most horrible part about jumping from friends to friends is the lack of security I have.
That's probably why I still have a baby blanket. Still.
Because I don't have anyone I can complain about anything to, well, except for Ev, of course.
But it would be so nice to have a sibling,
Or maybe if I wasn't so embarrassed about my past life, I could talk to my mom.
But there's so many things I'm determined to keep secret.
I don't trust anyone.

I just texted Ken V happy early birthday.
I wonder how that's going to go.

I'm really sad that I ruin lives.

ps. I'm single, in case anyone missed it.
Oh yeah, and I'm unemployed, so I have LOTS of time to think about how shitty things are.

Jeza is being a lap-hog.

2007-07-04T06:29:01Z

Tonight was another night with Joshua.
We're best friends.
Fact.

I made up with Eric Colon.
I miss him too.

Derek finally got the hint that we need to see each other a lot less.
He's driving me crazy.

I need to lose a lot of weight.
Fact.

My legs itch.

"LOVE" "HATE".

Tomorrow's, well technically today is the fourth of July.
Meaning it's Derek's birthday.
I'm going to take him to see the Transformers movie.

Just throwing this out there.

2007-07-02T03:29:26Z

Any girls out there ever have a wicked awesome night, and you're going to a party, or you're going out and you're dressed to the nines, and you just look fabulous and skinny and beautiful? Like you look in the mirror on the way out of your house and you're like, "Damn, I look good tonight." You can't wait to see your ex-boyfriend because you look and feel awesome and you know if you see him the jealousy will leak out of his eyes and pool up on the floor. Any girls remember feeling that good?

I don't.

Another tattoo idea.

2007-07-01T21:03:52Z

"It really goes" on the back of my upper calf.
It's from a Sylvia Plath poem.

I'm going for another walk with Liz.
It's either a two mile walk with a huge hill x4,
or a four mile walk.

Derek just took me for put put. :D
I haven't decided if I want to go to Josh's or Alex's birthday.
Alex never went to mine, so I suppose I won't go to his.
Fuck being the better person, I like making a point.

Ugh.

2007-06-30T17:37:46Z

Hung overrrr.
Drank a half a bottle of Smirnoff Vanilla vodka to the face.
I threw up in my sleep.
The boys helped me clean up.
I've found something that entertains me:
The second I get so drunk that I won't remember what happened the next day, I get wicked pissy.
It's hilarious.

I read "The Bell Jar", and it's my new favorite book.
Please, please, please read it.
It's pretty much my life.

fakest_frowns @ 2007-06-27T16:48:00

2007-06-27T20:51:03Z

A few nights ago I saw 1408. It was all in all a good movie.
Saw Kyle there. He sat two seats to my right before realizing it was me.
Here's the beginning of our conversation.
A: ...Hi... Kyle.
K:...Oh...Hey.
A: This must be awkward for you.
K: It could be worse.
A: You're right, we could be on fire.
That set the tone for the following quick three minute conversation.
Weird.

I went to Maine for four days.
I'm tan and chubby and that's alright I guess.
But now it's diet time.
I got a new computer. It's nice. I'm giving the old one to my mom.
I'm getting a laptop soon, from what my uncle says.
That's kinda sweet.
And apparently he's going half in with my uncle on a car and first year insurance for me.
But that's not for a while. I know he doesn't have the money right now.

Ma and I are really excited for the bussiness that we're starting.
More on that later.